I am always surprised at how I, like most of us get stuck in patterns of thinking, believing and acting, blind to the idea that it can be different. For many years I had very set ideas about what was right, wrong, sin, etc. These ideas and beliefs are really good as "stars to navigate by", because they stop you getting into a lot of trouble and hurtful circumstances. These "stars" help us recognise that things like stealing, lying, sleeping with someone else's husband or wife or having sex with multiple partners or lacking integrity in business and personal relationships really are not good things for us.
As a pastor in a "Holiness tradition"Church I am a bit of a holiness freak. I know that some behaviours, actions and beliefs will damage us, will break relationships and distance us from experiencing God.
As a previous mental health social worker, I know these things can disrupt our mental and emotional well being.
As a previous nurse working in both general and psychiatric settings I know the physical toll these things can have on our bodies.
BUT, yes there is a BUT,
The but is, I also know that when these 'good' beliefs and ideas become hard and fast we can become legalistic, judgemental and harsh.

Firstly we are this way with ourselves. We see ourselves as not good enough as we can never meet these high expectations. We become critical of ourselves and can never really believe that anyone, especially God can really love us. So we try harder, we think perfection is the goal. We fail, and the spiral continues.
         For some of us we become driven.
                   For some of us we give up in despair.
 Or if you are like me, I had times where I fluctuated between the two, depending where my energy levels were. This can make you feel very unbalanced - well let's face it - It is unbalanced!

Secondly, we can be this way with others. Of course we don't think we are that way with others, we think we are helping them be the best they can be; or we think we are helping them avoid the bad things that will hurt them. We don't see our sanctimonious ways, or our critical attitude.  I know- because I was unfortunately like this for years, I am hoping I am not still like it, because it stinks! I rely on some very trusted and loved ones to point it out to me if I get this way. I hate it when they tell me, but I have promised to listen, pray and act on it. I try and remember that it comes from my own wounds and not from who I really am.

The trouble with being like this with others is not just that we are judging them by our standards; which Jesus warned us not to do when he said do not judge or you will be judged by the same measure - which is a really scary thought; but this judging is incorrect. It is incorrect because we do not know the other person's heart, their motives, their life journey. It also ignores the fact that God does NOT judge us by these human standards. 

God, that is YHWH, Jesus, Holy Spirit,  knows our hearts, our motivations,  knows where we have come from,  where we are and where we are going on our life journey; and because of this God is merciful, gracious, loving, kind, compassionate and delighted with us wherever we are at this moment.

Our position, if we love God, want to be true followers of Jesus is to be open and allow Holy Spirit to heal us so we too are merciful, gracious, loving, kind, compassionate and delighted wherever we and others are at this moment, trusting that God will do what it takes to make things wonderfully different.

Be blessed and may the Lord God reveal his love and mercy to you always
Debbie