Metanoia

I have not blogged for such a long time. The reason is not pretty. Some would call it a crisis in faith. Not my faith in God, but my faith in the church, my faith in the hope that God's people will hear his voice and respond with metanoia.
Metanoia, a Greek word often translated as repent in the New Testament is then misunderstood as "be sorry and turn away from your evil ways". However, a better translation is change your perspective. Literally it is 'change/transform mind'; however in our intellectualizing and in our western culture we then limit this to the way we think. In the Greek it has a far more wide meaning, it is not only think different, it is feel different, have a new perspective, new values on which to operate on, it is literally to become. (Think of a caterpillar that through a process becomes a butterfly - it changes through metamorphosis!)
I am a pastor, I love God, I love people, I love all creation, so one would assume, unless you are also a pastor that the road should be pretty smooth - after all, one has a call of God on one's life to serve God, to minister to people and to be part of the Church - so one answers the call, does what one has to do to satisfy your particular branch (denomination) of the Church and there you are a pastor, a minister, a vicar, a priest or whatever title your denomination gives such people.
The difficulty for me came when as I studied the Bible in the context of learning Hebrew and Greek and in delving into the context that it was written in, the times, the culture, the realities of the people's lives I came to the disturbing discovery that our westernized, sanitized, limited and limiting understanding of the precious and delightful life giving word of God is skewed.
I am no universalist believing that no matter what you do, what you believe or what your values are all will be ok in the end because we are all going to heaven - but I am also no exclusionist, believing that unless you conform to one particular view, one religious slant you are doomed to everlasting hell.
In here lies the dilemma I have been faced with. As I see among my dear brothers and sisters who call themselves Christian of all denominations a tendency to think that their particular 'gang' have got it right I find not the "love one another as you love yourself" that Jesus called us to but a willingness to build division, to criticize, to build their own empires. As I look at the teachings in the more evangelical denominations I see the way of the pharisees, who wanting to please God, to obey God, built up towers of rules, regulations and lists of 'thou shall nots' that went go beyond God's simple 10 commandments and keep themselves and others far from Jesus radical breaking down of barriers and overthrowing of the tables. As I look as those who desire to show God's unconditional love and grace to all without measure I see a tendency to forget that his love and grace are to transform lives into a new expression of humanity in keeping with being made in God's image.
So over the next little while I shall write on where I have been, where I am in all of this and where I am going. I don't do this because I think you are so enthralled with my life that you can't wait for the next installment. I do it because I believe that every person Christian or non Christian faces these dilemmas and in writing if I do nothing more than say to a reader you are not alone, that will be enough. If you happen to read this and find hope in the God who has been worshiped by Jews, Christians and many who sought God in differing ways then I have been of service to you and to God.

My friend's Gabby & Brent are off to Africa for a year. So I will be following their blog
http://caldersinafrica.blogspot.ca/http://caldersinafrica.blogspot.ca/

Fear, hope and physical bodies as glory to God

I have not posted on here for a long time.
I can make valid excuses for this like I have been too busy with work, study, family situations - but the real reason is do I dare write about the deep issues I am looking at? What if someone reads this and attacks?

This embarrasses me to admit, for I have little patience with living out of fear. Fear is what holds us back, what stops our world being all the good things it could be, stops us being who we truly are.

Many years ago the catch phrase was "feel the fear & do it anyway!" I lived that for a long while - it was what got me back into education, made me a good social worker advocating for my clients against oppressive systems.

So today is just a time to restart yet again writing. the fear is no-one will read it. The fear is the religious will read it and be offended. The fear is those hurt and wounded will read it and it will remind them of the pain.

But there is hope in writing!
The hope is someone will read and God will bring healing, will bring a new sense of being able to change to grow be transformed, forgive and live in freedom.

 We pastors and leaders were in worship yesterday at District Assembly and I am not quite sure how it came about but I felt God show me that we are blind to our own unholy lives. I saw that for me and the majority of the people there we do not truly consider our bodies as temples of Holy Spirit - we  make a big deal about sexual sins, smoking, drinking etc & to be sure these are not things we should do as they mess up our bodies, minds, relationships with people and our walk with God - but we eat junk, we do not exercise or exercise becomes an idol, we do not rest or take real Sabbaths.  Many are addicted to coffee, sugar, wheat products, but we do no preach against such things. We do not present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and unblemished- we present our doing, our exhaustion, our over achieving, as some sort of substitute, this is no different than the Old Testament when God said I don't want your "proof of success" in bulls and burnt offerings, I want a broken & contrite heart. The only broken heart we will lay on the alter is one filled with plaque and disease!

I was so convicted. I know how to eat! Probably better than most people; yet I do not do it; I allow myself to be seduced by the wrong things, convince myself that I will not be satisfied by plain veg, that just a little poison won't kill me.

This is so crazy! I know when I eat a healthy vegan diet I regain a correct weight, I have more energy and I feel so much better all round. So back to it today! But I also know how weak willed I can be - I need help. So I am praying that God will strengthen me to do this, please pray for me too.

So Lord, here in some public way I present my body to you. Help me treat it as it deserves, for I am, like every human being made in your image. I am filled with your holy presence, I am your servant. Please help me eat well, a healthy vegan diet for in Genesis you said you gave all the produce of the field for us to eat. Let my body be a living sacrifice to you.

If you struggle with something please respond and I will pray for you too.
Blessings
Debbie

I am always surprised at how I, like most of us get stuck in patterns of thinking, believing and acting, blind to the idea that it can be different. For many years I had very set ideas about what was right, wrong, sin, etc. These ideas and beliefs are really good as "stars to navigate by", because they stop you getting into a lot of trouble and hurtful circumstances. These "stars" help us recognise that things like stealing, lying, sleeping with someone else's husband or wife or having sex with multiple partners or lacking integrity in business and personal relationships really are not good things for us.
As a pastor in a "Holiness tradition"Church I am a bit of a holiness freak. I know that some behaviours, actions and beliefs will damage us, will break relationships and distance us from experiencing God.
As a previous mental health social worker, I know these things can disrupt our mental and emotional well being.
As a previous nurse working in both general and psychiatric settings I know the physical toll these things can have on our bodies.
BUT, yes there is a BUT,
The but is, I also know that when these 'good' beliefs and ideas become hard and fast we can become legalistic, judgemental and harsh.

Firstly we are this way with ourselves. We see ourselves as not good enough as we can never meet these high expectations. We become critical of ourselves and can never really believe that anyone, especially God can really love us. So we try harder, we think perfection is the goal. We fail, and the spiral continues.
         For some of us we become driven.
                   For some of us we give up in despair.
 Or if you are like me, I had times where I fluctuated between the two, depending where my energy levels were. This can make you feel very unbalanced - well let's face it - It is unbalanced!

Secondly, we can be this way with others. Of course we don't think we are that way with others, we think we are helping them be the best they can be; or we think we are helping them avoid the bad things that will hurt them. We don't see our sanctimonious ways, or our critical attitude.  I know- because I was unfortunately like this for years, I am hoping I am not still like it, because it stinks! I rely on some very trusted and loved ones to point it out to me if I get this way. I hate it when they tell me, but I have promised to listen, pray and act on it. I try and remember that it comes from my own wounds and not from who I really am.

The trouble with being like this with others is not just that we are judging them by our standards; which Jesus warned us not to do when he said do not judge or you will be judged by the same measure - which is a really scary thought; but this judging is incorrect. It is incorrect because we do not know the other person's heart, their motives, their life journey. It also ignores the fact that God does NOT judge us by these human standards. 

God, that is YHWH, Jesus, Holy Spirit,  knows our hearts, our motivations,  knows where we have come from,  where we are and where we are going on our life journey; and because of this God is merciful, gracious, loving, kind, compassionate and delighted with us wherever we are at this moment.

Our position, if we love God, want to be true followers of Jesus is to be open and allow Holy Spirit to heal us so we too are merciful, gracious, loving, kind, compassionate and delighted wherever we and others are at this moment, trusting that God will do what it takes to make things wonderfully different.

Be blessed and may the Lord God reveal his love and mercy to you always
Debbie

Holiday in Nelson

Wow it is so good to get away for a week with Dave. We have come up to Nelson to see Bex and Sue.
Bex had her showcase for the course she's been doing at Selkirk College. I swear I am not biased just because I am her mum! but she has an amazing voice. Go to the online link to see for yourself! http://www.ustream.tv/channel/shambhala-music-hall
She did her performance on Tues 27 March and was the 2nd showcase.
On Monday after she finished classes and Sue was done work we went to Ainsworth hot springs, that was wonderful. There is something magical about sitting in a hot spring when it is raining looking out at the mountains & lake shrouded in clouds. While rainy weather is my least favourite, I still am grateful for this provision from God.
We arrived on Sunday evening while Bex was at a jam at Bogustown Pub in Nelson and on Thurs we joined her at another jam at the Dam Inn between Nelson and Castlegar. It makes me very proud to hear her perform and do so well.
Be blessed. xxx

The joy of now

This may not be profound to many, but over the past few days I have been intentional about living in the present moment, taking in the experiences of the moment and I am filled with joy.
The car ride out to Kings Fold Retreat Centre, seeing the mountains grow closer; the amazing conversation in the car with companions.
The scenery out there; the hospitality of the staff.
The gardens and architecture of FCJ, the wisdom of the people who lead and attend the Spiritual Director Training
                     The sun, the wind, the clouds rolling in this evening.

Life is amazing, creation is astounding; people are delightful...
   if we will but take a moment to be fully present in the present moment.

Faith is like the flying trapeze

My friend Lauri is a wise and insightful woman.

Today as we caught up after my trip to Jersey she was saying how if we want to catch hold of a new thing in our lives we have to let go of the old. Just like a the trapeze artist has to let go of one 'swing' and take the leap into fresh air to be able to grasp the second 'swing'.

We agreed; such is the nature of faith; letting go of what we have held tightly to trusting our leap will coincide with God's provision.

All apt stuff for I am about to take another leap of faith. But more on that later...
For now may I wish any who read this and all who do not a wonderful, joyful and delightful 2012